What to do if your mom wants to be there at your baby's birth (2024)

Lots of pregnant women's moms want to show their support during labour, but only you can decide if having your mother in the delivery room with you will be a help or a hindrance. We asked other BabyCenter moms from around the world to share, and offer advice.

I couldn't have done it without her

"My mom was a massive support during my labour. It was just me and her when I was growing up, so we've always been really close. This, coupled with the fact that she had been through labour herself, meant that she knew what I needed throughout. This was such a comfort to me and I ended up with a very easy and natural birth."
- Sophie

"While I love my husband, and he's done so well reading up about labour, I also wanted someone with me who had some experience. My mom and my partner were a dream team and really helped me to stay as calm as I could throughout."
- Laura

"My mom was with me and my husband the whole way through. She even held my left leg while my husband was on the right. It was nice to have her there and I wanted to give her the chance to see her baby having a baby. It felt like a very special gift."
- Tracey

"My husband was pleased that my mom was there at the birth of our first child because it meant that he got to see his baby being born and to cut the cord. He wouldn't have been able to otherwise because I would have needed him up the head end. There is plenty of time to adapt to being parents when you are at home, so although you may want to keep guests to a select few, don't cut all the family off. They are as excited as you are!"
- Dawn

"When I was pregnant with my first baby, I needed my mom there because my partner isn't the most sympathetic of people. Mom was a real comfort to me and did just as I asked by staying up the head end. I'm so glad that we shared that."
- Andrea

Keep it as a special time for just you and your partner

"I couldn't imagine having my mom there when I gave birth to my baby. It's something that my husband and I have between us. I was surprised when I heard my mother-in-law wanted to come. I really didn't want or need anyone else there."
- Clare

"My mom wasn't in the room during conception, so I don't see why she should be there during labour. I explained this to my mom, but sympathetically of course. It's a special time that I want to share with my husband and our new baby."
- Carly

"I let my partner tell his mom that it would just be the two of us, as she wanted to be there. I think this is all very private, just for you and your partner to share."
- Sara

"I am amazed by women who choose to have their mothers with them at the birth. It never even crossed my mind. If you ask me, labour is an intimate time to be shared and enjoyed by the child's parents. That being said, once you get going you really won't care who is in the room!"
- Lynne

"I could not think of anything worse than having my mother or mother-in-law present during the birth of my child. My relationship with both is fine but the strain involved with giving birth is not something I want to share with anyone except my husband. He is the person I feel the most comfortable with, so his presence is the only one that matters. In fact, I'm not all that impressed with being visited by anyone much during those first hours/days. Having a baby is such a life-changing experience, I think I would rather have those few days for peace, quiet and learning how to care for my baby, rather than playing hostess!"
- Tina

"I think this is a time where you should be allowed to be 'selfish' and say how you want things to go. It's not a case of hurting anyone's feelings, but this time is very special and others should respect that your choice does not reflect how you feel towards them. Mothers need to be selfless, and allow you the freedom to make these choices without guilt or worry. You will never again experience having your first child."
- Becky

"I feel that no one except my husband should be there during the birth and my stay in hospital. I would prefer no family or friends to visit us at all, as we need time to adapt to such a huge change."
- Julie

"This is the time to cut the cord, it's the start of your family and a very important time for you, your partner and the baby. Your mother can be close at hand if needed, just not in the room with you."
- Leah

"The simple fact is that the whole experience is something very personal. After all, you are creating your very own little family. At the end of the day, you are the mom to this baby. Your mom had her child, and no doubt made the choices she wanted to make at the time. It's your turn now and you shouldn't be influenced."
- Angela

Don't rush or be pushed into a decision

"You've got nine months to make this choice. So, no matter what you do, take the time you need and make sure that it is the right one for you."
- Rosie

"It is a very personal decision, and one which you as a couple should make. This is no time to worry about pleasing others. Most people would understand that, if the approach is right."
- Nicola

"Moms can be pushy. No doubt I'll be that way at times in the future. But I refused to let my mom persuade me to have her at the birth of my son when, after much thought, I decided I didn't want her to be. She got over it and I don't regret a thing."
- Laura

Let her down gently if you don't want her there

"I told my mom that while her support matters to me, I didn't want her in the room, where I could lash out at her and say something to hurt her feelings. She was fine with it, because she got that it was my day."
- Melissa

"To soften the blow, why not use the excuse that it might not be a good thing for either of you? I've read that your mom could find it very hard seeing her own baby in so much pain, and there is the chance you will revert and expect your mom to help you when she can't do a thing except support you."
- Caroline

"I let my mom know that her being there would make my husband feel as though I needed a back-up partner because he wasn't good enough. I asked her if she would therefore mind standing on the sidelines so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. It really worked because she was happy to take a back seat for the sake of my husband."
- Frankie

"I explained to my mom that while I want her around, I don't want her with me at the birth. She was happy to know that I wanted her there, but she understood that giving birth is a very private thing. She'll be in the waiting room on the day just in case I change my mind!"
- Susie

"I intend to give my mom some jobs to do at the time, like making phone calls, getting us something to eat or something like that, so that she still feels needed."
- Fiona

"It is tough trying to explain to your mom that you don't want her there without hurting her feelings, but she's your mom so she will be fine! You'll find your own way of telling her. Just try and be as gentle as you can with her. Say that you'll need her support in lots of ways after the birth and that you love her."
- Sarah